Saying NO and the price of peace.

 

Image from www.dreamstime.com

I have always been a people pleaser. I would go out of my way to make sure no one would ever accuse me of being inconsiderate. I think part of the reason I was always so accommodating no matter what was because I wanted to steer clear of conflict at all costs. But, I have come to realize something. While I was making sure everyone else was pleased, I was unhappy. And severely so. It never occurred to me that conflict was not only necessary at times but, also crucial to my inner peace and ultimately my happiness.

As a mother, putting your own needs last come effortlessly: second nature. And that is very well when it comes to your child or children, but what about everyone else? Should I really be putting everyone else’s needs before my own? There’s this myth that women should always be ready to sacrifice and I have witnessed this multiple times. We don’t always do what we want to; we do what we HAVE to. We have been fashioned to think that women should be willing and able to give easily, without any question and to any degree. And, if we don’t, we end up feeling guilt ridden.  “Identify a need or want, and you will probably find a woman willing to take responsibility for it.” (Vermeulen,S. 2011. ELLE). I say be a little selfish from time to time.  Say no to this favour or to that thing you have to do for your cousin’s friend. If it is not making you happy or making you feel even vaguely good, feel free to refuse.

It’s been a very difficult thing for me to do; saying no. People tend to treat you differently when you finally muster up the courage to say no and, as someone who suffers from depression, sudden changes in behavior towards me is very triggering. I have experienced this a ton especially when it comes to family and friends. I've noticed that the less I care about pleasing everyone, the more people have started to accuse me of being distant, unbothered or even a bad friend.   But, I can tell you it has been both liberating and eye opening at the same time. Now I am not saying you should suddenly run around saying no to everyone. You don't have to be reckless with people's feelings, just more mindful of your own. Just be aware that you do have the option to say no and to not feel any kind of shame for it. Real friends will stick around whether you are able to do things for them or not.  And the rest...well who needs the excess baggage? 

 TILL LATER, LAUREN!

Bloggers I adore

While being hauled up with conjunctivitis  (pink eyes )  for almost two weeks a while back,I was searching for ways to stay sane. After binge watching season 1 and 2 of Fashion Bloggers and loading up on carbs, I realized just how much I am inspired by bloggers. Fashion bloggers in particular.

As we near the end of 2015 I reflect on how my style has changed over the past year. From lacking confidence and spending most of my time in pyjamas, to realizing that fashion should be fun and being stylish should not be hard labour. Yes 2015 has made me embrace and celebrate my body. There have been times when I ventured into new style territory and failed miserably. I look at these times as learning curves. Other times I have strayed from my comfort zone and ended being pleasantly surprised. I have been really proud of myself this year.

One thing is for sure, my style is constantly evolving and with the new year comes new style icons I admire. In this post I have gathered my favourite bloggers right now. Feel free to share some of your's with me.

 *Micah Gianelli

This lady is a bombshell. All of her looks are amazing and so striking. I only discovered Micah's blog recently but I am glad I did. This Australian born blogger is also a model and stylist.

www.micahgianelli.com

 *Aimee Song

This has to be my favourite blogger of all time. She does both designer looks and street style unlike anyone I have ever seen. Most of her looks seem really accessible which only inspired me more. From ripped jeans to flowing gowns, there is nothing I don't love about this blog.

www.songofstyle.com

Street style at its best. Sheryl Luke from a Walk in Wonderland  effortlessly fuses her ripped denims with more refined, designer pieces. I love both her winter and summer looks and the way she makes even basics seem sophisticated. This LA based blogger predominantly blogs about fashion but also adds lifestyle and beauty every now and then.

www.walkinwonderland.com

 * Sarah Donaldson

What is not to love about Sarah's Harper&Harley blog. She focuses mainly on black,white and grey looks but has also incorporated some decor and fitness looks to her blog. Her clean and sleek looks are both accessible and inspiring.

www.harperandharley.com

*Margaret Zhang

Now this is what I call a Jack of all trades. Not only is she a fashion blogger and creative director, she is also a photographer  (she also photographs herself) and has modelled in major campaigns such as Swarovski. I am obsessed with her signature flat lays and her slightly out of the box style. Check out Margaret on her blog www.shinebythree.com

* I do not take credit for the images in this post.

TILL LATER, LAUREN !