LIFE : Keep it moving

 

2021 has been a difficult year. And difficult is so much of an understatement. But, while it might seem easier, therapeutic even, to complain about the year that damn near brought me to my knees, I’ll take a rain check for now.  What I will say however is that 2021 was one big (albeit painful) lesson. One realization that was particularly hard to digest was the fact that most of the time; I am my own worst enemy.  I discovered that I am the only one holding myself back from living the life that I want to live. Yes, that was a bitter pill to swallow but; it was also a necessary one.

However this post is not about my tumultuous 2021 but, rather why I am looking forward to the 2022 . I didn’t make any new year’s resolutions because I normally fall back into my old habits so easily and then I end up feeling even worse for failing at my resolutions. The only thing I want to focus on this year is radiating and attracting positive energy. There have been a lot of times last year where I have made excuses and let myself down. I have also been too focused on other people’s opinions of me and what other people had been accomplishing. I’ve decided that this year I am only going to put in the work and trust the process. We are all on our own timelines and while it might be bittersweet, learning to clap when others win is essential to one’s peace. I look forward to my journey, my process this year. Not just the end result.

I also get to plan my dream wedding this year which I am ecstatic about. I have heard a ton of horror stories about the stress of planning a wedding and what it can do to a relationship but, I am confident that my fiancé and I can both remain sane while doing this.

Then there is my little blog. Up to now it has been more of an escape to me: a hobby that’s become my therapy.  And while it will always be that, I would love to do more look posts as well as work with a few of my favourite brands. And who knows where that could lead. I feel like I should have my site redone first though. It just doesn’t fit my personality or aesthetic anymore.

Lastly, but most importantly, my gorgeous son is happy and healthy. As someone who has been battling with depression for the longest time I cannot express the wonders it does to my soul knowing that I am able to take care of and provide for my son. I’ve been a single mom for most of the kid’s life and that sh*t is hard. There are no office hours and often you receive unsolicited advice and comments from people who do not even have dogs (let alone children). My son brings so much delight and love into my life that every single struggle is worth it. It gives me such purpose.

Ok enough with the sentimental stories. My point is, even with 2021 being one big uncomfortable roller-coaster ride; there is always something to look forward to. There is always hope. And while there is hope, there is always something to be thankful for. 

TILL LATER, LAUREN! 

LIFE: Boundaries

 

Why am I always tired? As an adult, this is a  question I frequently ask myself. No amount of sleep or self care can take the feeling away. Am I doing something wrong? I have been struggling to feel at least somewhat human over the last two years. I feel like the pandemic has taken everything from me, but I have personally been facing a bigger pandemic: I have no boundaries.

As a mom, being a caretaker comes naturally, but I feel my issue goes back even further than that. As the oldest sibling, I was always making sure my brother was taken care of. This is just what older siblings do. As soon as said sibling grows up or can take care of themselves, you kind of just latch onto someone new to take care of. My problem is that I don't stop. If I don't take care of somebody, I need to take care of something. In other words, doing nothing really doesn't sit well with me. I am not sure how many of you can relate, but I feel really guilty whenever I find  myself with nothing to do or simply just resting. This has been coming back to bite me in the ass lately. Like I said, I am always tired.

The last few weeks I have really been trying to be a little more selfish in terms of how I allocate my time, and how much of it I spend taking care of myself. Something needs to change drastically. I will probably always feel the urge to take care of the people I love no matter how old they are, but I need to dial it back a bit before my cup runs empty.

How I am going to do this? I am not sure. So I hope you were not expecting some sort of resolution in this post. I just needed to admit, out loud and on paper, that I lack boundaries. I am aware of that now. The next few weeks I going to actively look for ways to pour back into myself. Whatever that looks like.

TILL LATER, LAUREN! 

Words : Self worth

Realising your own worth is probably easier said than done. I would know. Having battled with depression up until I gave birth to my son, I was always one to sell myself short.

Looking on the bright side must have been alot easier before social media became such a prominent part of our lives. On my worst days: it seemed like everyone was doing better than I was. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter taunted me with perfect relationships, luxe holidays and to-die-for wardrobes.Yes, nowadays it is easy to get caught up in your own pity party.

This is why I actively look for ways to inject a little positivity, not only into my own life, but into the lives of others. We may not all lead perfect lives but, I strongly feel that we all have a purpose. God did not create any rejects and, while doubting ourselves might be the easy route to take, let's not.

Let us force ourselves to seek out the positive things. To be honest, no one else will help you achieve it. Waiting around for validation from others is a futile pursuit.  Trust me, I used to be the queen of seeking validation from others. And even when you do get it; it's a hole that doesn't stay filled up for long.

To make a long story short, I wrote this post with one purpose in mind. To make sure we all realise that there are always going to be difficult times. Shit is always going to happen but, wallowing in your sorrows is not going to get you anywhere. Pull yourself together and soldier on while you still have the opportunity. And while you are at it: sprinkle a little positivity wherever you go.

*I do not take credit for the images in this post

TILL LATER, LAUREN!