DON'T get over it!

These last few weeks have been a lot for me. I've been going through some changes. Some growing pains that I was initially so excited about. These changes were going to make life as it was better for me. Was I thankful? Of course! But somehow I didn't anticipate just how the change would impact my mental health. I thrive when I am on a routine and, whenever that routine is disturbed, I spiral. That's why I make lists, I don't like last minute plans and I am very particular about how I spend my days.

Ultimately, I felt like  I was being a little ungrateful. Maybe I was. This amazing thing just happened to my family and I was grumpy and struggling to adjust. I didn't want to be ungrateful but, somehow I could not control these feelings. That's just it. I needed to feel exactly what I was feeling and acknowledge that it was there to stay. I needed to understand the reason behind my feelings. You see, for the last couple of years I have been advocating really hard for being positive in every situation. That was for my own benefit. Whenever I feel myself slipping back into that abyss of depression I immediately break out the old bag of happy tricks. I "self care" the feeling away until it is nothing but a memory.

Lately, that hasn't been working quite as brilliantly as it used to. This was not one of those emotions I could not cover up with gratitude lists and motivational quotes. This required me to get honest and uncomfortable. It would seem that I needed to switch up my form of self care again. Now I am not saying that keeping a positive mind about situations is no longer helping but, in this instance it wasn't the best solution for me.

I didn't want to simply get over it. I wanted to get through and never re-visit the feeling again. I felt like I was well within my rights for wanting to wallow in my sorrows for a bit. As long as you do not let it consume your life, feel what you need to feel. Do not pay attention to people saying that your problems are minor in comparison to others. This year alone has been more than any of us bargained for so I say you don't need to get over it. Not right away anyway .

 I've taken the last few days to really filter through what I was actually feeling and it turns out I wasn't ungrateful. I was just scared of the change. I have been forced into making changes for the last two years and it had taken its toll on me. After admitting that I wasn't sure I wanted more changes, I could start to embrace it.  I'm taking it one day at a time but, I'm really happy that I was able to be honest with myself. Do you need to have the same awkward conversation with yourself?

TILL LATER, LAUREN! 

Perspective: small victories

An article in one of the Glamour S.A. magazines titled "11 accomplishments that are bigger than they may seem" had me thinking. Why is it that we (and by we I mean me) emphasize our minor failures so much but, hardly celebrate the small victories? Are we hardwired to focus on what we lack so much so that we neglect to recognize accomplishments if they are not colossal? I have always had this thing where I silently compare my own victories to those of others. It's not something that I do on purpose, it's just human nature I guess. I suppose this makes my accomplishments feel slightly less significant.

Celebrating small victories is good for the soul. At least that is what I think. With everyone on social media living their best lives (and making sure we know), its almost impossible not to feel like you constantly have to prove yourself. Like you have to keep up with everyone and everything. This is exactly why giving yourself a pat on the back is essential. The pandemic made me realize that any victory is in fact a very big one. While people were losing their incomes, family members and sanity, I became more grateful for not only the small pleasures but, also the small victories. Getting out of bed felt like a victory. Getting through a day without hearing bad news felt like a victory. Being able to have a meal everyday felt like a victory. The things that I believed to be small and mundane turned out to be the big things after all. 

Celebrating the many things I achieve every day (no matter how small) makes me feel less depressed overall. This is something I know very well. To cope with my depression I started making lists of the things I was doing right. While this is no instant cure for depression, it helped me to take a step back and look at my problems from a different perspective. When I did fail at something, it didn't feel so major anymore. Instead it became learning opportunities. 

Look I'm not saying a habitual optimistic attitude will instantly fix all my problems but, at this point, what have I got to lose. I dare you to be more intentional about celebrating these small victories. You never know, they might actually turn out to be the BIG ones. 

TILL LATER, LAUREN! 

*I do not take credit for the images in this post. 

 

Words : Self worth

Realising your own worth is probably easier said than done. I would know. Having battled with depression up until I gave birth to my son, I was always one to sell myself short.

Looking on the bright side must have been alot easier before social media became such a prominent part of our lives. On my worst days: it seemed like everyone was doing better than I was. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter taunted me with perfect relationships, luxe holidays and to-die-for wardrobes.Yes, nowadays it is easy to get caught up in your own pity party.

This is why I actively look for ways to inject a little positivity, not only into my own life, but into the lives of others. We may not all lead perfect lives but, I strongly feel that we all have a purpose. God did not create any rejects and, while doubting ourselves might be the easy route to take, let's not.

Let us force ourselves to seek out the positive things. To be honest, no one else will help you achieve it. Waiting around for validation from others is a futile pursuit.  Trust me, I used to be the queen of seeking validation from others. And even when you do get it; it's a hole that doesn't stay filled up for long.

To make a long story short, I wrote this post with one purpose in mind. To make sure we all realise that there are always going to be difficult times. Shit is always going to happen but, wallowing in your sorrows is not going to get you anywhere. Pull yourself together and soldier on while you still have the opportunity. And while you are at it: sprinkle a little positivity wherever you go.

*I do not take credit for the images in this post

TILL LATER, LAUREN!