These last few weeks have been a lot for me. I've been going through some changes. Some growing pains that I was initially so excited about. These changes were going to make life as it was better for me. Was I thankful? Of course! But somehow I didn't anticipate just how the change would impact my mental health. I thrive when I am on a routine and, whenever that routine is disturbed, I spiral. That's why I make lists, I don't like last minute plans and I am very particular about how I spend my days.
Ultimately, I felt like I was being a little ungrateful. Maybe I was. This amazing thing just happened to my family and I was grumpy and struggling to adjust. I didn't want to be ungrateful but, somehow I could not control these feelings. That's just it. I needed to feel exactly what I was feeling and acknowledge that it was there to stay. I needed to understand the reason behind my feelings. You see, for the last couple of years I have been advocating really hard for being positive in every situation. That was for my own benefit. Whenever I feel myself slipping back into that abyss of depression I immediately break out the old bag of happy tricks. I "self care" the feeling away until it is nothing but a memory.
Lately, that hasn't been working quite as brilliantly as it used to. This was not one of those emotions I could not cover up with gratitude lists and motivational quotes. This required me to get honest and uncomfortable. It would seem that I needed to switch up my form of self care again. Now I am not saying that keeping a positive mind about situations is no longer helping but, in this instance it wasn't the best solution for me.
I didn't want to simply get over it. I wanted to get through and never re-visit the feeling again. I felt like I was well within my rights for wanting to wallow in my sorrows for a bit. As long as you do not let it consume your life, feel what you need to feel. Do not pay attention to people saying that your problems are minor in comparison to others. This year alone has been more than any of us bargained for so I say you don't need to get over it. Not right away anyway .
I've taken the last few days to really filter through what I was actually feeling and it turns out I wasn't ungrateful. I was just scared of the change. I have been forced into making changes for the last two years and it had taken its toll on me. After admitting that I wasn't sure I wanted more changes, I could start to embrace it. I'm taking it one day at a time but, I'm really happy that I was able to be honest with myself. Do you need to have the same awkward conversation with yourself?
TILL LATER, LAUREN!
5 comments:
I cannot stand it when other people try to dictate how I should respond to something. I know my feelings are sometimes messy but I have the right to feel what I feel and work through it in a way that is appropriate for me. Too many people think they can tone police, etc and it really needs to stop! I love these quotes and how you explored your own feelings/reactions. Thanks for sharing!
Wow thank you so much for reading Molly. I'm really glad you can relate. It's good to know I'm not the only one who can be a bit over the top. Your comment made my day :)
I don’t think anyone else can understand how you are feeling. Change is always difficult especially when there is too much going on all at once. Thanks for sharing.
I understand how you feel...... I am not comfortable with change also....
Thank you so much for reading guys. I always appreciate the feedback :)
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