DON'T get over it!

These last few weeks have been a lot for me. I've been going through some changes. Some growing pains that I was initially so excited about. These changes were going to make life as it was better for me. Was I thankful? Of course! But somehow I didn't anticipate just how the change would impact my mental health. I thrive when I am on a routine and, whenever that routine is disturbed, I spiral. That's why I make lists, I don't like last minute plans and I am very particular about how I spend my days.

Ultimately, I felt like  I was being a little ungrateful. Maybe I was. This amazing thing just happened to my family and I was grumpy and struggling to adjust. I didn't want to be ungrateful but, somehow I could not control these feelings. That's just it. I needed to feel exactly what I was feeling and acknowledge that it was there to stay. I needed to understand the reason behind my feelings. You see, for the last couple of years I have been advocating really hard for being positive in every situation. That was for my own benefit. Whenever I feel myself slipping back into that abyss of depression I immediately break out the old bag of happy tricks. I "self care" the feeling away until it is nothing but a memory.

Lately, that hasn't been working quite as brilliantly as it used to. This was not one of those emotions I could not cover up with gratitude lists and motivational quotes. This required me to get honest and uncomfortable. It would seem that I needed to switch up my form of self care again. Now I am not saying that keeping a positive mind about situations is no longer helping but, in this instance it wasn't the best solution for me.

I didn't want to simply get over it. I wanted to get through and never re-visit the feeling again. I felt like I was well within my rights for wanting to wallow in my sorrows for a bit. As long as you do not let it consume your life, feel what you need to feel. Do not pay attention to people saying that your problems are minor in comparison to others. This year alone has been more than any of us bargained for so I say you don't need to get over it. Not right away anyway .

 I've taken the last few days to really filter through what I was actually feeling and it turns out I wasn't ungrateful. I was just scared of the change. I have been forced into making changes for the last two years and it had taken its toll on me. After admitting that I wasn't sure I wanted more changes, I could start to embrace it.  I'm taking it one day at a time but, I'm really happy that I was able to be honest with myself. Do you need to have the same awkward conversation with yourself?

TILL LATER, LAUREN! 

Perspective: small victories

An article in one of the Glamour S.A. magazines titled "11 accomplishments that are bigger than they may seem" had me thinking. Why is it that we (and by we I mean me) emphasize our minor failures so much but, hardly celebrate the small victories? Are we hardwired to focus on what we lack so much so that we neglect to recognize accomplishments if they are not colossal? I have always had this thing where I silently compare my own victories to those of others. It's not something that I do on purpose, it's just human nature I guess. I suppose this makes my accomplishments feel slightly less significant.

Celebrating small victories is good for the soul. At least that is what I think. With everyone on social media living their best lives (and making sure we know), its almost impossible not to feel like you constantly have to prove yourself. Like you have to keep up with everyone and everything. This is exactly why giving yourself a pat on the back is essential. The pandemic made me realize that any victory is in fact a very big one. While people were losing their incomes, family members and sanity, I became more grateful for not only the small pleasures but, also the small victories. Getting out of bed felt like a victory. Getting through a day without hearing bad news felt like a victory. Being able to have a meal everyday felt like a victory. The things that I believed to be small and mundane turned out to be the big things after all. 

Celebrating the many things I achieve every day (no matter how small) makes me feel less depressed overall. This is something I know very well. To cope with my depression I started making lists of the things I was doing right. While this is no instant cure for depression, it helped me to take a step back and look at my problems from a different perspective. When I did fail at something, it didn't feel so major anymore. Instead it became learning opportunities. 

Look I'm not saying a habitual optimistic attitude will instantly fix all my problems but, at this point, what have I got to lose. I dare you to be more intentional about celebrating these small victories. You never know, they might actually turn out to be the BIG ones. 

TILL LATER, LAUREN! 

*I do not take credit for the images in this post. 

 

Saying NO and the price of peace.

 

Image from www.dreamstime.com

I have always been a people pleaser. I would go out of my way to make sure no one would ever accuse me of being inconsiderate. I think part of the reason I was always so accommodating no matter what was because I wanted to steer clear of conflict at all costs. But, I have come to realize something. While I was making sure everyone else was pleased, I was unhappy. And severely so. It never occurred to me that conflict was not only necessary at times but, also crucial to my inner peace and ultimately my happiness.

As a mother, putting your own needs last come effortlessly: second nature. And that is very well when it comes to your child or children, but what about everyone else? Should I really be putting everyone else’s needs before my own? There’s this myth that women should always be ready to sacrifice and I have witnessed this multiple times. We don’t always do what we want to; we do what we HAVE to. We have been fashioned to think that women should be willing and able to give easily, without any question and to any degree. And, if we don’t, we end up feeling guilt ridden.  “Identify a need or want, and you will probably find a woman willing to take responsibility for it.” (Vermeulen,S. 2011. ELLE). I say be a little selfish from time to time.  Say no to this favour or to that thing you have to do for your cousin’s friend. If it is not making you happy or making you feel even vaguely good, feel free to refuse.

It’s been a very difficult thing for me to do; saying no. People tend to treat you differently when you finally muster up the courage to say no and, as someone who suffers from depression, sudden changes in behavior towards me is very triggering. I have experienced this a ton especially when it comes to family and friends. I've noticed that the less I care about pleasing everyone, the more people have started to accuse me of being distant, unbothered or even a bad friend.   But, I can tell you it has been both liberating and eye opening at the same time. Now I am not saying you should suddenly run around saying no to everyone. You don't have to be reckless with people's feelings, just more mindful of your own. Just be aware that you do have the option to say no and to not feel any kind of shame for it. Real friends will stick around whether you are able to do things for them or not.  And the rest...well who needs the excess baggage? 

 TILL LATER, LAUREN!

Words : Self worth

Realising your own worth is probably easier said than done. I would know. Having battled with depression up until I gave birth to my son, I was always one to sell myself short.

Looking on the bright side must have been alot easier before social media became such a prominent part of our lives. On my worst days: it seemed like everyone was doing better than I was. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter taunted me with perfect relationships, luxe holidays and to-die-for wardrobes.Yes, nowadays it is easy to get caught up in your own pity party.

This is why I actively look for ways to inject a little positivity, not only into my own life, but into the lives of others. We may not all lead perfect lives but, I strongly feel that we all have a purpose. God did not create any rejects and, while doubting ourselves might be the easy route to take, let's not.

Let us force ourselves to seek out the positive things. To be honest, no one else will help you achieve it. Waiting around for validation from others is a futile pursuit.  Trust me, I used to be the queen of seeking validation from others. And even when you do get it; it's a hole that doesn't stay filled up for long.

To make a long story short, I wrote this post with one purpose in mind. To make sure we all realise that there are always going to be difficult times. Shit is always going to happen but, wallowing in your sorrows is not going to get you anywhere. Pull yourself together and soldier on while you still have the opportunity. And while you are at it: sprinkle a little positivity wherever you go.

*I do not take credit for the images in this post

TILL LATER, LAUREN!