LIFE : Keep it moving

 

2021 has been a difficult year. And difficult is so much of an understatement. But, while it might seem easier, therapeutic even, to complain about the year that damn near brought me to my knees, I’ll take a rain check for now.  What I will say however is that 2021 was one big (albeit painful) lesson. One realization that was particularly hard to digest was the fact that most of the time; I am my own worst enemy.  I discovered that I am the only one holding myself back from living the life that I want to live. Yes, that was a bitter pill to swallow but; it was also a necessary one.

However this post is not about my tumultuous 2021 but, rather why I am looking forward to the 2022 . I didn’t make any new year’s resolutions because I normally fall back into my old habits so easily and then I end up feeling even worse for failing at my resolutions. The only thing I want to focus on this year is radiating and attracting positive energy. There have been a lot of times last year where I have made excuses and let myself down. I have also been too focused on other people’s opinions of me and what other people had been accomplishing. I’ve decided that this year I am only going to put in the work and trust the process. We are all on our own timelines and while it might be bittersweet, learning to clap when others win is essential to one’s peace. I look forward to my journey, my process this year. Not just the end result.

I also get to plan my dream wedding this year which I am ecstatic about. I have heard a ton of horror stories about the stress of planning a wedding and what it can do to a relationship but, I am confident that my fiancé and I can both remain sane while doing this.

Then there is my little blog. Up to now it has been more of an escape to me: a hobby that’s become my therapy.  And while it will always be that, I would love to do more look posts as well as work with a few of my favourite brands. And who knows where that could lead. I feel like I should have my site redone first though. It just doesn’t fit my personality or aesthetic anymore.

Lastly, but most importantly, my gorgeous son is happy and healthy. As someone who has been battling with depression for the longest time I cannot express the wonders it does to my soul knowing that I am able to take care of and provide for my son. I’ve been a single mom for most of the kid’s life and that sh*t is hard. There are no office hours and often you receive unsolicited advice and comments from people who do not even have dogs (let alone children). My son brings so much delight and love into my life that every single struggle is worth it. It gives me such purpose.

Ok enough with the sentimental stories. My point is, even with 2021 being one big uncomfortable roller-coaster ride; there is always something to look forward to. There is always hope. And while there is hope, there is always something to be thankful for. 

TILL LATER, LAUREN! 

LIFE: Boundaries

 

Why am I always tired? As an adult, this is a  question I frequently ask myself. No amount of sleep or self care can take the feeling away. Am I doing something wrong? I have been struggling to feel at least somewhat human over the last two years. I feel like the pandemic has taken everything from me, but I have personally been facing a bigger pandemic: I have no boundaries.

As a mom, being a caretaker comes naturally, but I feel my issue goes back even further than that. As the oldest sibling, I was always making sure my brother was taken care of. This is just what older siblings do. As soon as said sibling grows up or can take care of themselves, you kind of just latch onto someone new to take care of. My problem is that I don't stop. If I don't take care of somebody, I need to take care of something. In other words, doing nothing really doesn't sit well with me. I am not sure how many of you can relate, but I feel really guilty whenever I find  myself with nothing to do or simply just resting. This has been coming back to bite me in the ass lately. Like I said, I am always tired.

The last few weeks I have really been trying to be a little more selfish in terms of how I allocate my time, and how much of it I spend taking care of myself. Something needs to change drastically. I will probably always feel the urge to take care of the people I love no matter how old they are, but I need to dial it back a bit before my cup runs empty.

How I am going to do this? I am not sure. So I hope you were not expecting some sort of resolution in this post. I just needed to admit, out loud and on paper, that I lack boundaries. I am aware of that now. The next few weeks I going to actively look for ways to pour back into myself. Whatever that looks like.

TILL LATER, LAUREN! 

DON'T get over it!

These last few weeks have been a lot for me. I've been going through some changes. Some growing pains that I was initially so excited about. These changes were going to make life as it was better for me. Was I thankful? Of course! But somehow I didn't anticipate just how the change would impact my mental health. I thrive when I am on a routine and, whenever that routine is disturbed, I spiral. That's why I make lists, I don't like last minute plans and I am very particular about how I spend my days.

Ultimately, I felt like  I was being a little ungrateful. Maybe I was. This amazing thing just happened to my family and I was grumpy and struggling to adjust. I didn't want to be ungrateful but, somehow I could not control these feelings. That's just it. I needed to feel exactly what I was feeling and acknowledge that it was there to stay. I needed to understand the reason behind my feelings. You see, for the last couple of years I have been advocating really hard for being positive in every situation. That was for my own benefit. Whenever I feel myself slipping back into that abyss of depression I immediately break out the old bag of happy tricks. I "self care" the feeling away until it is nothing but a memory.

Lately, that hasn't been working quite as brilliantly as it used to. This was not one of those emotions I could not cover up with gratitude lists and motivational quotes. This required me to get honest and uncomfortable. It would seem that I needed to switch up my form of self care again. Now I am not saying that keeping a positive mind about situations is no longer helping but, in this instance it wasn't the best solution for me.

I didn't want to simply get over it. I wanted to get through and never re-visit the feeling again. I felt like I was well within my rights for wanting to wallow in my sorrows for a bit. As long as you do not let it consume your life, feel what you need to feel. Do not pay attention to people saying that your problems are minor in comparison to others. This year alone has been more than any of us bargained for so I say you don't need to get over it. Not right away anyway .

 I've taken the last few days to really filter through what I was actually feeling and it turns out I wasn't ungrateful. I was just scared of the change. I have been forced into making changes for the last two years and it had taken its toll on me. After admitting that I wasn't sure I wanted more changes, I could start to embrace it.  I'm taking it one day at a time but, I'm really happy that I was able to be honest with myself. Do you need to have the same awkward conversation with yourself?

TILL LATER, LAUREN! 

Take a minute...

 Over the last two years I have heard the word "self love" more than I count. I saw it on every blog, in every tweet and as countless hashtags. Even television jumped on the bandwagon trying to convince us to buy products in the name of self love. I have to admit, at first, I associated the term with luxury and opulence. Shopping sprees to mend the heart or a vacation on a yacht to ease the mind. However, while I do like nice things, I found that self love showed up in a different form for me. And the same goes for everyone. Some might find a lavish bath and a glass of wine a form of self care while for others it simply means switching off their phones. 

It took me a long time to figure out where my peace actually comes from. Self love is not always grand. I've come to realise that for me the smallest things can make a difference. These are a few things I do when I start to feel overwhelmed.

* I read a book. Even just a few pages allow me to focus on something else for a bit. More often than not I get so lost in the book that it feels like my brain had a little vacation. There are few things I enjoy as much as a good thriller.

*I re-watch a series that I liked. If I know a series  put me in a good mood before I watch it again to experience that same feeling. It might seem silly but, knowing what is going to happen puts my mind at ease.

*I take care of my hair. My favourite thing to do is wash and braid my hair. The tedious process requires a lot of time and I always feel like I have accomplished something big when I am done. When lockdown started and I couldn't visit my hairdresser I had to learn how to braid my own hair using YouTube videos and I love that I managed to get it right.

* I paint my nails. Now this might seem like a really small thing but, for me it isn't. Painting my nails and waiting for it to dry requires me to sit and do nothing for a few minutes whether I want to or not. Doing nothing does not come easy to me because I always feel guilty. When I am painting my nails, however, I have no choice.

*I work on my blog. I started my blog while I was at varsity as part of a project and after that I just kind of neglected it. These last two years my blog really became an escape for me. I stopped focusing on the numbers started zoning in on the feeling that publishing a post gave me. Again, it felt like I had really accomplished something big every time I hit that "publish" button.

*I pray. My religion is a crucial part of how I survived this year. It brought me a sense of comfort and hope and it was a feeling that I couldn't get from anywhere or anyone else. I have started to make reading the bible and praying an essential part of my self care routine.

*I talk to my son. I put this point last because it is definitely the most important. If you know me personally, you know that my almost 11 year old son is my world. He is kind, funny and wise beyond his years. Whenever I am in a bad mood or I feel myself slipping into that dark hole of depression, I talk to him. He never fails to put life into perspective for me and, whenever I am in his company, I realize just how blessed I am.

Self care might look different to all of us but, I urge you to find your own groove and really think about what brings you peace of mind. The media will always try to sell us on a certain 'type' of self love but, it is important to remember that it is about you and only YOU. I hope you take the time to figure out what self love means to you and when you discover exactly what you need, I hope you have the guts to stick to it without apologies.

TILL LATER, LAUREN!

Perspective: small victories

An article in one of the Glamour S.A. magazines titled "11 accomplishments that are bigger than they may seem" had me thinking. Why is it that we (and by we I mean me) emphasize our minor failures so much but, hardly celebrate the small victories? Are we hardwired to focus on what we lack so much so that we neglect to recognize accomplishments if they are not colossal? I have always had this thing where I silently compare my own victories to those of others. It's not something that I do on purpose, it's just human nature I guess. I suppose this makes my accomplishments feel slightly less significant.

Celebrating small victories is good for the soul. At least that is what I think. With everyone on social media living their best lives (and making sure we know), its almost impossible not to feel like you constantly have to prove yourself. Like you have to keep up with everyone and everything. This is exactly why giving yourself a pat on the back is essential. The pandemic made me realize that any victory is in fact a very big one. While people were losing their incomes, family members and sanity, I became more grateful for not only the small pleasures but, also the small victories. Getting out of bed felt like a victory. Getting through a day without hearing bad news felt like a victory. Being able to have a meal everyday felt like a victory. The things that I believed to be small and mundane turned out to be the big things after all. 

Celebrating the many things I achieve every day (no matter how small) makes me feel less depressed overall. This is something I know very well. To cope with my depression I started making lists of the things I was doing right. While this is no instant cure for depression, it helped me to take a step back and look at my problems from a different perspective. When I did fail at something, it didn't feel so major anymore. Instead it became learning opportunities. 

Look I'm not saying a habitual optimistic attitude will instantly fix all my problems but, at this point, what have I got to lose. I dare you to be more intentional about celebrating these small victories. You never know, they might actually turn out to be the BIG ones. 

TILL LATER, LAUREN! 

*I do not take credit for the images in this post. 

 

Saying NO and the price of peace.

 

Image from www.dreamstime.com

I have always been a people pleaser. I would go out of my way to make sure no one would ever accuse me of being inconsiderate. I think part of the reason I was always so accommodating no matter what was because I wanted to steer clear of conflict at all costs. But, I have come to realize something. While I was making sure everyone else was pleased, I was unhappy. And severely so. It never occurred to me that conflict was not only necessary at times but, also crucial to my inner peace and ultimately my happiness.

As a mother, putting your own needs last come effortlessly: second nature. And that is very well when it comes to your child or children, but what about everyone else? Should I really be putting everyone else’s needs before my own? There’s this myth that women should always be ready to sacrifice and I have witnessed this multiple times. We don’t always do what we want to; we do what we HAVE to. We have been fashioned to think that women should be willing and able to give easily, without any question and to any degree. And, if we don’t, we end up feeling guilt ridden.  “Identify a need or want, and you will probably find a woman willing to take responsibility for it.” (Vermeulen,S. 2011. ELLE). I say be a little selfish from time to time.  Say no to this favour or to that thing you have to do for your cousin’s friend. If it is not making you happy or making you feel even vaguely good, feel free to refuse.

It’s been a very difficult thing for me to do; saying no. People tend to treat you differently when you finally muster up the courage to say no and, as someone who suffers from depression, sudden changes in behavior towards me is very triggering. I have experienced this a ton especially when it comes to family and friends. I've noticed that the less I care about pleasing everyone, the more people have started to accuse me of being distant, unbothered or even a bad friend.   But, I can tell you it has been both liberating and eye opening at the same time. Now I am not saying you should suddenly run around saying no to everyone. You don't have to be reckless with people's feelings, just more mindful of your own. Just be aware that you do have the option to say no and to not feel any kind of shame for it. Real friends will stick around whether you are able to do things for them or not.  And the rest...well who needs the excess baggage? 

 TILL LATER, LAUREN!

Life lately :Instagram Round Up

It has been quite some time since I have done one of these Instagram round up posts. Let's just say life hasn't been very Instagram-able this year. Between mourning the loss of the year I thought it would have been and every one else seemingly returning back to normal: I was uninspired. And that's putting it mildly.

I'm not sure what I was expecting for 2021 but, it sure as hell was not this. I have been living in this limbo between preparing for the future and wondering exactly what that future would look like. To top it all off, my special birthday month (May) turned out to be bittersweet. More bitter that sweet I might add. However, it wasn't all bad. I have also been feeling a great sense of rebirth. You know when they demolish a building to put up a completely new one. That's the feeling. So in the spirit of that feeling I have decided to post about the moments that did in fact make it to Instagram. These tiny glimpses really made me smile these past few months. 

Lunch dates with my family will always make me happy.

 

An honest review on a product I adore. You can read it here

I love being a soccer mom and the kid is amazing at it. I'm ecstatic that he gets to play again.

I love impromptu beach dates and really like wearing this dress. It makes me feel sexy.

Going anywhere with this guy is fun and every now and then we remember to take a picture together.

The way to my heart :)

 I have been hesitant to do this post for a while with everything going on in the media but, having recently decided to ALWAYS put my mental health first (thank you Naomi Osaka), I felt like I needed this. I needed to be reminded to purposefully look for the little bits of magic in every day. I've dealt with depression for as long as I can remember and I can say for sure expressing myself helps a lot. With that being said, I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into my world. Please drop your Instagram handles in the comment section below and tell me what you think about this post. 

TILL LATER, LAUREN!

Redirection

Disappointments used to hit me very hard.To the point where it was sometimes so crippling that it didn't make sense to ever try again. I would have this victim mentality so often that I didn't even consider the fact that, whatever it was that I wanted, might not have been in my best interest.

We often feel lost and disapointed when things don't work out the way we expect them to. Frequently we have built a whole narrative around that specific idea. How it will impact our lives, what others will say and in a way we somewhat prepare for that situation way before its actually happened. It becomes a slice of your reality which is probably why the dissapointment can be so paralyzing sometimes. This is how I used to feel. Whenever something would not work out according to plan I would take it personally. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? It's easy to fall into the abyss of self pity.

 Lately, I've been trying to look at things with a different perspective. This came about when I a had a "wow I dodged a bullet" moment recently. It dawned on me that in most cases when I was desperate for something to go a certain way, I ended up being glad (maybe even relieved) that I had after all not gotten what I wanted. You see, I firmly believe in redirection now. Those little hiccups along the way or those huge stumbling blocks are put in place for a reason and I am glad I have finally realised that.

There is absolutely no reason to spend time wallowing in your sorrows when you should be looking for the lessons that came with it. And I know this is much more difficult than it sounds especially if you are going through some real shit. But trust me...things will turn out the way they are meant to be...and you'll be delighted that, you too, dodged a bullet.

TILL LATER, LAUREN!

FI(gh)T CLUB

A few weeks ago on a whim, and because at the time whenever I looked at my body I wished it belonged to someone else, I joined FIT CLUB. A group of women (and some men) doing power work outs every Tuesday and Thursday.

You see, 7 years later I still haven't bounced back from my pregnancy body and, if I'm being completely honest, I did not make much of an effort to get back in shape. I was too happy to hide behind excuses.

So one morning after I saw a friend posting about the class I packed my bag, went to work as usual and anticipated what my first work out since forever would be like. As the day went on I started making so many excuses not to go. If you work with me, you'd probably never guess that I am the queen of excuses. But only excuses when it comes to personal growth. For so long I have been my own worst enemy. Let me tell you what triggered my sense of motivation.

My fiance is an amazing guy and not once has he said something about my not-so-perfect body. In my state of insecurity however, I was always picking fights with him whenever he mentioned anything about weight. I realised something needed to change drastically and so I got my nerve together and went to my first FIT CLUB. And let me tell you, I haven't looked back ever since.

Not only is it an amazing work out ( I sweat like a pig everytime) but, it's such a supportive environment with people encouraging each other every step of the way. The coach is someone you can count on for advice as well as healthy eating tips. This was exactly what I  needed in my life. It gave me a different sense of purpose and I started to look at my body in a way that's appreciative of what it can do for me instead of what it lacks. I don't know where this journey will take me but, I am excited for the future. FIT CLUB has brought me back to life and for that I will forever be thankful :-)

TILL LATER , LAUREN!

Life lately : January 2018

Welcome to 2018 everyone.

Hopefully your 2018 is off to a good start and 2017 has not done too much damage. For me;  2017 wasn't exactly the worst year but, there were a few moments of darkness that I would rather not relive. If last year has taught me anything, its that I can get through just about whatever life throws at me. Ultimately, 2017 has made me more resilient than ever.

This year started off in the most unexpected way. On the 1st of January I got engaged to the most amazing guy ever. Although I definitely had not anticipated that, I couldn't picture myself with anyone else.

I also started working in a new position in my current company. I have to admit it was daunting at first but, I feel like I'm easing into the role. As you might have guessed, this is my first "life lately " post for the year. If you are a first time reader, these posts consists of little snippets into my day to day. Nothing significant, just a little insight into everything that makes me tick.

My fiance and son are two of the most amazing people I know.

Beach days with the people I love. 

OOTD. My son is an ace with the camera.

Lunch time shenanigans.

Always ready for a picture :)

Acessorizing at work.

My favourite moment of 2018!

And that's it for now. I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, I would love to hear from you. If you have a blog; drop your link in the comments section below. I'm all about finding new blogs this year.

TILL LATER, LAUREN!

Life Lately : October 2017

I love reading these life lately posts. Getting to know bloggers on a more personal level makes me want to keep up with their posts more often. Like catching up with a friend. I have done a few "life lately" posts in the past and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. Basically, its just me filling my readers in about what's going on in my life. Nothing specific really, just bits and pieces of my day to day. 

I have gotten into the habit of taking more and more outfit posts lately even though its just for instagram sometimes. I enjoy sharing what I wear and I'll definitely be posting more.

Clearly my son is alot better at this than I am. We spend alot of time together and I one of those moms who constantly takes pictures. Also, Xylon is one of the funniest people I know.

I recently did a post where I discussed Standard Bank's  "Business of Fashion Accelerator " program. It's an amazing initiative aiming to give fashion entrepreneurs an amazing opportunity.

I love doing beauty posts for my blog as well. These are some of my recent reviews. P.S. how stunning are those Almay eyeshadows.

I always makes sure I spend time with the people  I love the most. We love game arcades, restaurants and I always take pictures. This was also my first experience with bumper cars.

And that's it for today. I hope you enjoyed the little bit of insight into my life.  If you have a blog comment with the link. I would love to check it out.

TILL LATER, LAUREN!

Beauty Blogger Tag

I have never done a tag post before so when I saw one on City Girl Vibe Blog I jumped at the chance. I was also very excited to do something that I don't normally do on my blog. I hope you enjoy reading it.

WHAT IS YOUR NATURAL HAIR COLOUR? DO YOU DYE IT YOURSELF OR GO TO THE SALON?
My natural hair colour is brown and it is not cute. I normally dye it at home because hair salons give me a little bit of anxiety.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU WASH YOUR HAIR?
Because I work so much I only manage to wash it twice a week. Which is actually just enough for me.

WILL YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT MAKE UP?
I often do. Sometimes I really cannot be bothered. Besides I think your skin needs to breathe a bit.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO DO YOUR MAKE UP?
During the the week, about 15-20 minutes. On weekends I'll spend a little more time. I like to experiment.

DO YOU READ THE COMMENTS ON YOUR POSTS?
Always! I love getting comments on my posts. It makes me feel amazing to be honest.

WHAT KIND OF CAMERA DO YOU USE FOR YOUR PHOTOS?
At the moment I am still using my phone but I plan to invest in a proper camera soon.

WHAT TYPE OF SKIN DO YOU HAVE?
Combination

WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FACIAL CLEANSER?
I am using POND'S pimple clear face wash which I love at the moment.

DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?
No I don't but I find them very pretty.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE EYESHADOW COLOUR?
I love gold and bronze colours and I hardly ever stray from those neutral colours.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU POKE YOUR EYE OUT WITH AN EYELINER PENCIL?
Almost never. I've gotten pretty good with putting on my liner even without a mirror.

DO YOU USE PENCIL OR LIQUID EYELINER?
Pencil always. I'm not good with liquid eyeliner so I stick to pencil.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LIPSTICK?
I love lipstick. My current favourite is this matte one from L.A. girl.

NAME A MAKE UP MISTAKE THAT YOU HATE?
I absolutely hate when your face and neck does not match. When you apply foundation it shouldn't look like you are wearing a mask.

DO YOU LIKE DRUGSTORE MAKE UP?
I adore drug store make up. That's how I spend most of my money.

I have to say I enjoyed doing this tag post very much. I tag anyone who would like to participate. Please tag me in your post because I would love to read your posts.

TILL LATER, LAUREN!

Words : Self worth

Realising your own worth is probably easier said than done. I would know. Having battled with depression up until I gave birth to my son, I was always one to sell myself short.

Looking on the bright side must have been alot easier before social media became such a prominent part of our lives. On my worst days: it seemed like everyone was doing better than I was. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter taunted me with perfect relationships, luxe holidays and to-die-for wardrobes.Yes, nowadays it is easy to get caught up in your own pity party.

This is why I actively look for ways to inject a little positivity, not only into my own life, but into the lives of others. We may not all lead perfect lives but, I strongly feel that we all have a purpose. God did not create any rejects and, while doubting ourselves might be the easy route to take, let's not.

Let us force ourselves to seek out the positive things. To be honest, no one else will help you achieve it. Waiting around for validation from others is a futile pursuit.  Trust me, I used to be the queen of seeking validation from others. And even when you do get it; it's a hole that doesn't stay filled up for long.

To make a long story short, I wrote this post with one purpose in mind. To make sure we all realise that there are always going to be difficult times. Shit is always going to happen but, wallowing in your sorrows is not going to get you anywhere. Pull yourself together and soldier on while you still have the opportunity. And while you are at it: sprinkle a little positivity wherever you go.

*I do not take credit for the images in this post

TILL LATER, LAUREN!

Life lately : Hello 2017

2016 has been an interesting year for me. It's been made up by some of the worst times as well as the most amazing times. That being said: I feel like the whole year has been a learning curve for me. From being cheated on (yes bohoo) to watching my beautiful boy graduating grade R and getting ready for grade 1. Yes, last year has been a cocktail of emotions.

However, it is a year that I shall be eternally grateful for. Regardless of the moments I spent riddled in self doubt, the year has taught me one valuable lesson: I can overcome anything. So with that in mind, I say bring on 2017!

I haven't made any solid resolutions other than being and even better mom. A mom that is constantly present (not just physically ). I look forward to the laughter and lessons this year has to offer. For me; the new year signifies hope. Hope that, even when things look utterly impossible, there's bound to be light at the end of the tunnel.

Welcome to my first post for 2017. A collection of my favourite moments so far. I hope you enjoy it; and that your year is off to a brilliant start.

My favourite dress.

Awesome nights out with awesome people.

He loves dressing up just like mom.

Graduation !!!!!!

I love working on new posts 

#throwback thursday to the kid's fro!

First selfie for 2017

TILL LATER, LAUREN!