Motherhood: The flip side.

On a normal day it's not easy being a 20 something year old woman  as it is. Throw in being a single, working mom in a country where so many children lose their lives to hideous crimes and I'd say you have the perfect recipe for a cocktail of nerves,anger and frustration.

You see, people are quick to tell you about the joys of motherhood. And believe me, 90 percent of being a mother is beyond amazing. Experiencing an almost out of body love for the little person you brought into this world makes you feel like you want to be the best person you can be. Yes, motherhood is all of the wonderful things (and more) that women tell you about.

But when my son is safely tucked in at night, an innocent scroll through facebook turns me into a ball of panic. I wonder why no one has ever mentioned this side of motherhood to me. The part where I would lie awake at night and wonder how I can keep my son safe at all costs. The part where suspicion creeps up on me everytime my child is around new people. The way a piece of my heart dies every single time I watch the news and I hear about little lives being taken in senseless crimes. It kills me because I feel furious and hopeless at the same time. My son is the love of my life.

The only thing that keeps me sane is prayer. I pray for my son, I pray for myself, my family and the countless children around the world who have no one praying for them. I have come to realise that in life there are no guarantees and instead of using my time to worry I use it to love and pray even more. Staying positive in current times is just about the hardest thing to do but it is a choice I have made.

I wrote this post because I wanted other mothers to know that they are not alone. We all share the same fears. However, there is power in prayer. Let us pray for peace. Not only in the world but, also within ourselves.

TILL LATER, LAUREN!

#PursueToSmile

This year, beyond a shadow of a doubt, has been the most difficult year of my entire life.  It has been a chaotic, sad and pressure filled year. I lost 3 family members in three months, my finances were mostly dismal and I was going through a major existential crisis. But, these days, things are so much better and it is mostly because I decided to make a conscious decision to be happier whatever was happening in my world; that and a lot of prayer.

So the other day when I read Verushka’s (her blog)  #PursueToSmile blog post,  I thought: “Hey, this is just another way to bring some joy into my life”. Let me explain the concept. This is what I gathered from the post.

*Write/blog/tweet 5 things that make you smile

* Take a picture of you smiling and post it on social media

* Nominate two or more friends to take on the #PursueToSmile challenge

* Tweet “I have taken the #PursueToSmile challenge

And now for my list..

 *My son and the rest of my family. These people are so funny and creative that they make being around them an absolute joy. And they always keep me inspired.

 * Blogging has helped me through a lot of tough situations this year. Even if I don't have a ton of followers, never go to events and I don't get a lot of page views, the feeling self worth that I get from blogging is more than enough. Also, there are so many amazing bloggers out there that I cannot help but be motivated by them.

 * Anything hot in a pretty mug puts a smile on my face. There's something about a cup of green tea that seems like it could be magic. And I am sure I don't have to explain the amazingness of a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day.

*BOOKS! Basically anything I can get my hands on to read. I am obsessed with collecting books and magazines and being transported to far away places and glamorous photo shoots. To me, reading is literally like taking a mini vacation from the chaos of the outside world.

 *Fashion. What can I say about fashion? I love the fact that you get to be a different person everyday through fashion. You get to have a voice and no one can really say " well hey, you are doing it wrong". I read fashion blogs and magazines everyday and I find myself continuously amazed and inspired by the fashion industry.

Here is my picture

That is as big as my smile goes

I nominate Namreen from Life and Times of the Fireflies, Tasneem from City Girl Vibe and Naeemah from The Jam Jar Blog


* I do not take credit for some of the images in this post

It's not personal



I do not take credit for this image

 

How many times have you been in a shopping mall where a toddler has thrown her/himself on the floor and a panic stricken mother is either standing helplessly, visibly praying or attempting to negotiate with the screaming child? I have witnessed the sight a multitude of times and every single time I have thought “Women please get your sh*t together!”

Now that I am a mother too, however, it is whole other ball game.  While my son rarely throws tantrums in public places (I got lucky), I have encountered it a few times and I can tell you without a doubt, it is any mother’s worst fear. Not because we have no idea how to handle our children, but because strangers are standing around, staring judgingly just as I was.  You have to understand, you simply cannot prepare in advance for a tantrum, it always happens when you least expect. But, this post is not for the onlookers. It is for the moms who have been avoiding going out all together because they cannot imagine dealing with the dreaded outburst.

Let me assure you, IT’S NOT PERSONAL. Chances are it is just a case of bad timing: you probably decided to make the trip close to the little one’s nap time. Or the large crowd is causing them to be a little restless. More often than not, it has nothing to do with who you are as a parent. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you can forget about being judged and that might make defusing the situation a little easier. Forget about feeling self-conscious and focus on the child.

Like I said there is no way to fully prepare for a tantrum, but you can do a few things to lessen the chance of one. What works for me is feeding before we go shopping and also packing a few snacks. I also make sure my son is well rested and is aware of where we are going and what is going to happen. And the most important thing, I promise him a reward if we get through the trip without any major hiccups. And if all else fails and he does end up throwing a tantrum, I take him home. I can always continue shopping another time. Losing my own composure is bound to make things way worse. Remember, IT’S NOT PERSONAL.

                                                              TILL LATER, LAUREN!

Words on Wednesday

I have always known I suffer from some sort of depression.  I think I realised it sometime after high school. I also think that somehow (well most of the time) I was aggravating my depression by choice. Now before you start rolling your eyes, hear me out. A lot of times my depression stemmed from me ruthlessly comparing myself to my peers. I would walk around making mental lists of all the things I lacked: all my shortcomings. More often than not I was obsessing over relatively irrelevant issues. NOTE: by saying this I am not making light off depression. It is an extremely serious situation often undiagnosed and often untreated. I am simply saying that once I realised I was looking at life in a slightly distorted way, I could actively try and change how I felt about things. Because, the truth was that I had a lot to be grateful for.  It’s often the little things that we tend to overlook that makes a big difference in our happiness.

 Now don’t get me wrong, depression is not something you can simply shake off with a few self help books and a gratitude list or two, but you can start slow and realise you don’t have to figure everything out at once. There are days when I still feel unnaturally sad for no apparent reason, but then I stop and think of all the progress I have made thus far. I have decided to force myself to have positive thoughts more often and send them out to the universe. Perhaps in some minor way I can spread some positive love/energy and motivate others (whether they struggle with depression or not) to adjust their outlook on life.

Here is a list of things I am very grateful for at the moment

·         I have a healthy, happy son who makes me laugh countless times a day.

·         I am grateful for blogging and being able to express myself.

·         I am grateful for warm meals and warm beds.

·         I am grateful for friends. They give great advice but also listen when I need to speak.

·         I am thankful for my brother. He is funny and helpful

·         I am grateful for the fact that I still get to spoil myself every now and then

·         I am grateful books and magazines and being able to share them

·         I am thankful being able to make new friends everyday

·         I am grateful that my family is whole and they are all happy, healthy people.

My number one reason to love life :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog, it really means a lot to me. If you enjoy reading my blog, please follow it. Also connect with me on twitter @CkoBlog or facebook CKO cool kids only- blog.

 

*PS. don't forget about my Original Cocktails giveaway (closes 14 April)

 

TILL LATER,LAUREN!